The Art of Becoming
What does it mean to become? And who supports us as we navigate the many versions of ourselves throughout our lives?
These were some of the questions we explored during a wonderful evening of Fauxtalks with Jace Poirier Lacerte, founder of the Family Stewardship Center.
As part of Fauxvember's Emotional Wellness Week, we gathered to explore connection, community, care and the transitions that shape our lives.
And what a conversation it was!
Jace was incredibly warm, thoughtful and shared with us her knowledge, her experiences, and her genuine passion for building community and strengthening connections between people.
Throughout our discussion, Jace invited us to think about family as something much broader than a collection of individuals, rather that its about kinship, belonging, shared responsibility and the relationships that connect us across generations.
We talked about families, identity, relationships, boundaries, personal growth, and something that I suspect resonated with more than a few of us: the expectation that we should somehow be able to manage everything ourselves.
But perhaps one of the most interesting ideas of the evening was that we're never really finished becoming.
Beginning with Identity, Family and Connection
Before we began exploring the evening's conversation, Jace introduced herself, honouring her Métis identity and sharing her connections to family, ancestry and place. Her introduction set the tone for conversation about belonging, identity, relationships and the ways we're shaped by the people and communities around us.
We don't become who we are in isolation. We're connected to those who came before us, those who walk alongside us and the generations who will follow.
We're Always Becoming Someone
Jace introduced us to the work of the Family Stewardship Center, an organization she founded to help individuals and families navigate life's many transitions.
Her journey began with birth work, but she quickly recognized that welcoming a baby into the world isn't only about the arrival of a child. It's also about the emergence of a mother, a father, grandparents, aunties, uncles and an entirely new set of relationships. Everyone is becoming someone different.
And the same is true throughout our lives. We become teenagers, partners, parents, caregivers, grandparents and eventually ancestors. We navigate career changes, menopause, retirement, shifting relationships and unexpected life circumstances.
Sometimes we welcome these changes. Sometimes they arrive without an invitation.
Jace shared a beautiful distinction between viewing birth as an emergency and recognizing it as an emergence.
That idea stayed with me. What if we approached more of life's transitions with that same perspective? Not simply as events to get through, but as meaningful moments that deserve recognition, support and perhaps even a little ceremony?
COYA: The Consequences of Your Actions
Another fascinating part of our conversation was Jace's philosophy of COYA — Consequences of Your Actions.
When we hear the word consequences, many of us immediately think of something negative, but Jace challenged us to consider consequences simply as outcomes. Our actions, choices and interactions create effects that extend beyond the immediate moment.
At the heart of COYA is a framework for living more intentionally :
C — Contribute Our Gifts: Recognizing the unique gifts, strengths and abilities we each bring into the world, and finding ways to share them with others. Jace emphasized that when we're living our gifts, we're living in alignment with who we truly are. That's self-actualization.
O — Own Our Actions: Taking responsibility for our choices and recognizing the impact they have on ourselves and others. Not from a place of judgement, but with awareness and a willingness to learn.
Y — Yearn for Growth: Remaining open to learning, evolving and becoming. Recognizing that we are never finished growing and that every stage of life offers opportunities for discovery.
A — Act on Legacy: Thinking beyond the present moment and considering what we want to contribute to the people, communities and seven generations that follow us.
Jace also shared that the symbolism of a snake eating its own tail, then releasing itself from the circle. It represents our ability to grow, change and choose a different direction.
She invited us to consider: What might the consequences of our actions look like seven generations from now?
It's a reminder that our choices matter, but our past doesn't have to define our future. We can learn, change and begin again.
From "I" to "We": Why Community Matters
This may have been one of the most powerful parts of our evening, at least for me.
So many of us have become remarkably good at being independent. We organize. We problem-solve, care for others, manage countless responsibilities - and when things become difficult, we often believe we should figure everything out ourselves.
But what happens when independence becomes isolation?
Jace described her own experience of discovering the power of healing and personal development in community. Her message was an invitation to move from "I" to "we."
Not by giving up our independence but by recognizing that connection, belonging and mutual support are essential to our well-being.
It also means remembering that those of us who spend so much time supporting others deserve support ourselves.
I found this especially meaningful because it's at the heart of why Fauxvember exists.
We're creating a space where women can show up as they are, share experiences, learn from one another and recognize that they don't have to navigate every part of their wellness journey alone.
When We Change, Our Relationships Change Too
Of course, becoming someone new isn't always easy. And sometimes the people around us aren't quite ready for the changes we're making.
Perhaps we've always been the dependable one, the organizer, the caregiver or the person who says yes.
What happens when we begin saying no? or when we need something different from the people in our lives?
Jace reminded us that personal transformation doesn't happen in isolation. When one person changes, the relationships around them may need to adjust too. That adjustment can bring uncertainty, disappointment and sometimes grief.
We also heard thoughtful reflections from Fauxyladies about how changes within families can be experienced very differently by the people involved. There isn't always one simple interpretation of what happened.
For me, this connected directly to the emotional wellness work I've been exploring myself: understanding our experiences, recognizing the stories we create around them and considering how those stories influence our relationships and sense of identity.
Growth doesn't necessarily mean everyone will understand our journey. But it does invite us to communicate more clearly about who we're becoming and what we need along the way.
One Small Act of Care, Just for You
As our conversation moved toward its conclusion, Jace offered a beautifully simple practice.
Make the first thing you do each day something for yourself.
Not for your children. Not for your partner. Not for your employer. Not for the never-ending list of responsibilities waiting for your attention.
For you.
It might be enjoying a cup of tea, taking a quiet moment, journaling or creating a small morning ritual. The particular activity matters less than the intention behind it.
For women who are accustomed to placing everyone else's needs first, even a small act of self-care can feel unfamiliar - but perhaps that's precisely why it's worth exploring.
Rather than waiting until we've finished taking care of everyone else, what if we began our day by acknowledging that our own well-being matters too?
Not as a reward. Not because we've earned it. Simply because we matter.
Continuing the Conversation
As we wrapped up the evening, I found myself reflecting on how many different ideas had come together.
The importance of recognizing life's transitions. The influence of our actions. The value of community. The changing nature of relationships. And the possibility of approaching ourselves with greater kindness.
What connected them all was the recognition that wellness isn't something we achieve once and then check off a list. It's something we continue exploring as our lives evolve.
A huge thank you to Jace Poirier Lacerte for sharing her experiences, perspectives and the work she's doing through the Family Stewardship Center.
And thank you to the Fauxyladies who joined us, asked thoughtful questions and helped make this such a meaningful conversation.
To learn more about Jace's work, visit www.familystewardship.ca.
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